| jokebox 1 |
House Thieves
A congressman's wife who was awakened in the middle of the night by noises. "Dad, there are thieves in the house," she told her husband.
"I know, but there are thieves in the Senate, too" was the half-asleep congressman's reply.
Repentance
Someone once said that true repentance has two eyes: A weeping eye for the sins of the past, and a watchful eye for good works in the future. Too bad that some people never get to have these two eyes because they never saw beyond the “I.”
Sin Via Cellphone
A penitent confessed that he had been receiving and forwarding all sorts of green jokes and pornographic pictures via his cellphone. The priest gave him the absolution, but before leaving the confessional, the priest told him: “By the way, here is my cellphone number. Could you forward your sins to me?”
"JESUS CHRIST!"
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!”
|
|
|
| jokebox 2 |
Lying
A teacher who chanced upon a group of little boys huddled around a puppy. When asked what they were doing, one of them said that they were having a contest of telling the biggest lie, and the winner gets to keep the dog.
“Boys, you know lying is bad. You should be ashamed of yourself. Me? I have never told a lie all my life,” the teacher said.
After some moments of quiet, one boy finally spoke up and said: “Well, she wins. I guess she keeps the dog.”
Make Over
A 75-year old woman had a vision one night, she saw and spoke to God. She asked him, "How much time do I have to live."
He said, "You have 35 years left."
So that whole year she had several cosmetic surgery: face lift, a tummy tuck, her nose reshaped, liposuction, etc, etc. She completely did herself over. She figured as long as she was going to live another 35 years she was going to look young again.
After all this was done, that same year she was hit by a car and was killed instantly. When she entered St. Peter's gate she walked over to God and said, "What happened? I thought you said I had another 35 years."
God replied, "I didn't recognized you!”
Graffiti
A priest, seeing some inscriptions on a wall, wrote upon it: "I pray for all."
A lawyer wrote underneath: "I plead for all."
A doctor added: "I prescribe for all."
A simple citizen wrote down: "I pay for all."
|
|
|
